Because of our ministry’s focus on God’s Word, discernment, and equipping, we are often asked to examine a book, movement, ideology, or specific person’s teachings. While our time is limited, we occasionally take on certain subjects, particularly when they pose significant danger.
This has resulted in articles on various topics (the Enneagram; CRT), book reviews (Love & Respect; The Shack), booklets (Thinking Biblically About Narcissism), and full-length books (Testing The Telepathy Tapes).
Why do we invest so much time and effort into exposing and warning about error?
Simply put, we believe that warning others of danger is one of the most loving things we can do. And to not do so would be unloving, according to God’s Word.
Unfortunately, we are seeing fewer and fewer believers warn others about the many deadly threats that exist inside and outside of the Church. That is a chief reason why harmful books and teachings become popular among Christians. Making this worse, more and more Christ-followers do not respond well when they are warned about dangerous teachings.
A Popular Marriage Book
Along that line, not too long ago, a very popular marriage book, Sacred Marriage, was brought to our attention. Like most people, the only thing we really knew about it was the tag line that marriage should be more about holiness than happiness. While that concept, by itself, is great, the more we read, the more my wife and I were deeply alarmed and grieved by what we found.
With millions of individuals and marriages being influenced by the ideas in this book, we realized there was a need for a thorough examination detailing the numerous and serious problems in Sacred Marriage. Our goal here is not to merely point out the negative things, but to warn and protect others from the far-reaching harm that results from being deceived. Better yet, we seek to strengthen and equip Christians in the Word, discernment, and loving others, especially when it comes to the countless dangers in this world, and, sometimes, in the Church.
Brethren, if anyone among you wanders from the truth, and someone turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins.
(James 5:19-20 )
As a bit of background, the book Sacred Marriage was written by Gary Thomas in 2000, with a second edition released fifteen years later. According to the author, sales were slow at first, but eventually took off after interviews with Focus On The Family and Family Life Today. The popularity of the book has been maintained for many years due largely in part to the fact that it has become required reading in many Christian contexts. The author himself notes that:
“Book sales have also benefited from so many colleges and seminaries requiring it in their classes, and churches using it with couples.”
In other words, Sacred Marriage is influencing millions of people, while an untold number of Christians are actually required to read it. What is more, there are numerous churches, ministries, programs, and church leaders who are recommending or promoting this book, particularly to married and engaged individuals. In addition, many counselors are directing those they counsel to study and apply the teachings of this book.
That is why, with the potential for such a huge impact on so many people—and the Church as a whole—it is all the more important to thoroughly examine and test this book in light of God’s Word.
Test all things; hold fast what is good. Abstain from every form of evil. (1 Thessalonians 5:21-22 )
Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.
(1 Timothy 4:16 )
Does Sacred Marriage contain some helpful things regarding marriage? Yes.
Does it use Scripture? Yes. Because of those things, we can see why many Christians like this book. And if that was the whole story, that would be great.
However, there is much more to tell. When Sacred Marriage is tested by Scripture, we see that the problems in Sacred Marriage are actually numerous and very serious.
While we will go into greater detail on these troubling issues, the top concerns and problems are distilled in the following list.
Ten Serious Problems In Sacred Marriage
1 | Truth Mixed With Error
While some notions in Sacred Marriage are good, particularly about being holy, the overall teachings actually come from an unholy union—as there is a troubling pattern of mixing truth with error, and then presenting this harmful mixture as biblical, and the way to become more holy.
2 | Bad Sources
Sacred Marriage uses a few good sources, and many bad sources—and these are blended together throughout Sacred Marriage. More specifically, Sacred Marriage focuses far more on sources that are mystical (including numerous Catholic mystics), than on biblical Christianity.
3 | Mysticism
Mysticism is a lethal counterfeit—one of the deadliest ever (so dangerous that we wrote an entire book on the topic). Nevertheless, Sacred Marriage heavily relies on the beliefs and practices of mystics and mystical religions (e.g., eastern religions)—and then mixes these ungodly teachings into God’s perfect design for marriage, love, and holiness. What is more, the author is a huge mystic himself, even teaching how to practice mysticism (in other writings of his).
4 | Spiritual Formation/Disciplines
Sacred Marriage focuses a lot on spiritual formation—which may sound spiritual and biblical—but almost always includes mystical and unbiblical ideas, teachings, and practices. Sacred Marriage causes even more confusion regarding spiritual disciplines—as this notion is emphasized throughout Sacred Marriage (mentioned dozens of times), but is never defined or explained. In addition, numerous non-spiritual disciplines (e.g., marriage; sexuality) are erroneously categorized as spiritual disciplines—causing even more confusion and problems.
5 | Tantric Sex
Sacred Marriage directly or indirectly pushes readers toward tantric sex—which is essentially practicing eastern mysticism during sex. Sacred Marriage teaches that pursuing mystical experiences during sex is necessary to become more holy—and to grow closer to God and to your spouse—and this is needed so that couples can have a mystical encounter with a mystical God during sex. The most heavily relied on and praised source in Sacred Marriage is also the preeminent source on tantric sex among those who claim Christ. This source also believes and teaches Universalism (everyone goes to heaven), Pantheism (everything is God, therefore, we are all God), and other New Age teachings (e.g., “all will be one.”)
6 | Harmful Understanding of Needs
Sacred Marriage, like many other popular Christian books on relationships, confuses and twists the reality of needs—which always creates many painful problems in individuals and in relationships. [For more, see our article on the subject]
7 | Confusing & Misleading
The author is a skilled writer—yet he often writes in unclear and ambiguous ways—particularly when clarity is needed most (e.g., referring to mysticism, mystics, sex, and practicing mysticism during sex). This ambiguity not only creates confusion, which easily leads to deception, it also gives the author plausible deniability (at least with his readers)—meaning, he can teach A, but, due to the lack of clarity, others can deny that he teaches A. Furthermore, while many will argue, “that’s not what he meant,” it almost certainly is what he meant.
8 | Catholicism
Sacred Marriage presents Catholicism as essentially the same as, if not better than, evangelical/biblical Christianity. This is evident in things like: the number of sources; the high praise given to them; elevating Catholic mystical books to the level of “Christian classics;” and describing Catholic mystics as “Christian spiritual writers.”
9 | Unbiblical View of Suffering
Sacred Marriage teaches a view of suffering that is heavily influenced by Roman Catholic teaching on suffering (e.g., personal suffering is necessary to be saved). This is both erroneous and harmful.
10 | Insufficiency of Scripture
Sacred Marriage teaches that God, His Word, and praying biblically are not nearly enough, particularly when it comes to the Christian life, married life, and for being more sacred. Therefore, we need to go outside of the Bible and biblical Christianity to learn and embrace mystical teachings and practices of non-Christian, anti-Christian religions as well as “spiritual directors.” Taking it a step further, Sacred Marriage twists God’s Word—not only regarding mysticism—but especially by teaching that Christians need to embrace mysticism during sex.
A Trojan Horse In The Church
The word “sacred” is another word for holy. It means “consecrated to God,” or “set apart for God”—which requires being separated from what is unholy. Yet, in profound irony, Sacred Marriage does the opposite of this. How? By mixing what is holy with what is unholy, making it not just an unholy union, but a mixture that is highly deceptive and destructive.
Sacred Marriage is, ultimately, a trojan horse. It has an exterior of a Christian marriage book, but an interior of mysticism, mystics, and combining sex and mysticism. This leads to untold amounts of deception, and, overall, to great harm to individuals and marriages.
Download The Book For Free
*We go into greater detail on all these issues, and more, in our new book Unholy Union: A Biblical Review of Sacred Marriage, available as a free download for the next 48 hours.
About The Ministry
Hope For Life Biblical Counseling & Equipping is a non-profit ministry based in the Central Valley of California. We have always been fully committed to providing biblical counseling at no cost to anyone in need, along with classes, books, and other equipping resources for the local community and the worldwide body of Christ as a whole.
Because we truly believe that “everything that was written in the past was written to teach us so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures, we might have hope,” we are passionate about sharing that Word every chance we get.
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